Love.

I want to start by saying I'm sorry I didn't blog yesterday. There was way too much going on with finals and everything. I am here now though, and trust me I am ready to pour my heart and soul into this blog.

I have learned so many new things about myself these past few days. One of the main new findings is how much of an emotional person I am. Unfortunately, it almost took me almost losing someone very important in my life to figure it out.

These past few days I have felt a whirl wind of emotions, happy, sad, angry, hurt, and lastly betrayed.  Now, more than ever, is when I feel the need to express myself, and of course I don't know how. I will try my best though. Here it goes...

Have you ever felt as if your whole world has come crashing down in a matter of minutes?  If you haven't I hope you never have to live through the pain. I have, unfortunately.  I always try to keep a smile on my face and remember everything will turn out fine, but these last few days I haven't been able to.

I hate arguing with the people in my life I love. That's one thing that I avoid doing at all costs, however, I couldn't hold it in any longer. The pain inside of me was hurting me so much, I just lost it. Tonight was that time for me to lose control of everything and just let it all out.  I honestly don't think I have ever cried as much as I just did. But really I don't think crying is such a bad thing to do. I don't know about you guys, but after crying I feel much better. It's like I am taking everything built up inside of me and just letting it out.

This was a time to just explain to someone how everything has hurt me.  While he probably knew I just felt the need to get it out one last time.  Doing that was not the smartest move. Now looking back it seems like I am dwelling on everything, which is probably the case, but for myself I needed to do this. (It feels very selfish of me to say that.)

That takes me to another point, I don't know what it is about me but every time something happens I don't care about the pain I have to endure, as long as the other person is happy.  I realize now that's not the best way to think, but I just don't want anyone else to have to feel what I just did.

So to the person who I just lost myself in front of, I know you are reading this, I want you to know you mean the world to me.  I wouldn't put so much into a relationship if I didn't have feelings for you. Everything I ever do revolves around you and I never want to lose this feeling. I love you.

After getting all of this out, blogging I mean, I feel so much better about the situation I am currently in.

To those of you reading this I want to thank you for the support. Even taking the time to read how my day is going/went means the world to me.

I also would like to thank my friend Gabby for everything she has done for me. She has been my savior these last few days and I don't know where I would be without you.

And one last thing, to my boyfriend, thank you for being there when I need you most. I know this isn't the right way to thank someone but I figured while I am on here I might as well. You honestly have no idea how much everything you do for me keeps me going everyday. Lastly, I want you to know I would do anything for you, and I hope you now are starting to see how I am feeling inside.

That's it for tonight. I think it's time to go to sleep. GOODNIGHT EVERYONE! <3